Here Without You
by ALENKA123
Summary: (A Few months after 3x10) As time moves forward, so must they. But putting their "good timing" behind them is easier said then done. As feelings remain everlasting, so do the scars of a love lost. However, one fateful chain of events might just re-open these old wounds, and put it all in perspective for them, but will it be too late for a love that's been marred with past mistakes?
1. Hope That It Get's Better As We Go

**HOPE THAT IT GETS BETTER AS WE GO**

* * *

_**"I'm here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind, I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time."**_

* * *

Alicia Florrick had never really found Jesus. She had never been as committed as her husband had forced himself to be. She'd never felt the need. But now as she sat in the waiting room of hospital's trauma center in her blood-streaked business suit. holding a Styrofoam cup containing some of the worst coffee she'd ever tasted, she was starting to rethink her decision

* * *

5 HOURS EARLIER:  
She'd been sitting in her office looking out the window almost wistfully at the clear, spring, Chicago day. She was contemplating taking an early lunch in an hour when all of a sudden she was startled out of her daydreams by a male voice accompanied by a sharp knock at her open office door. "Alicia?" she looked up and found herself face to face with Will Gardner, her boss (among other things). "Yes?" she replied looking up him expectantly. "We're ready for you in the conference room" he replied stiffly. She nodded, grabbed a few files and got up to follow Will to the meeting. As they strolled through the crowded halls of "Lockhart & Gardener" Alicia flipped through the stack of paper she was clutching, not focusing on her feet. So it was no surprise when she slipped and her 4-inch heels came out from under her. Her papers hit the floor and she would have soon followed if Will had not have turned and caught her. His arms came around to clutch her waist, and her hand caught his shoulder. She stared up at him in shock still trying to process what had happened.

Courtney was talking to a group of assistants when it happened. The entire office seemed to have frozen, staring at the partner holding the waist of the fourth-year associate. they straightened up. Alicia grabbed her paperwork, smoothed her dress and followed Will to the conference room in hurried silence. David Lee's assistant turned back to the group "oh my god" she whispered "did you see that?" Courtney said nothing. She intended to respect Alicia's privacy and say nothing on the incident. "Who didn't see that!?" whispered Lisa (Assistant to Carey). "They are totally hooking up again." Courtney excused herself to go make copies, deciding that she was going to respect Alicia's privacy by not joining in on the gossip.

Alicia sat in the meeting, trying to focus on what Diane was saying and regain a normal breathing pattern. Across from her Will appeared to be having the same symptoms. He kept loosening & tightening his tie. All the while trying to avert his gaze from Alicia. Which Diane noticed but said nothing about.

Will knew he had to stop doing this to himself. He had to make himself accept that it was really over, that they were really moving on. He knew he needed to let her be happy with Peter, with her husband. For awhile part of him had toyed with the notion that once he'd had her, he wouldn't want her as much as he had before, but he was so very mistaken on that count. Now all he could think about was the way she used to laugh when he kissed her neck, the way her head fit in the curve of his shoulder when they'd lie together in bed after one their hotel room-rendezvous still trying to regain the feeling in their arms and legs.

There was no escaping Alicia Florrick, not even in sleep. Yes, even when he was unconscious she was there. Haunting him. He looked across the table at the woman who left him so emotionally drained. The woman who kept him up at night, the woman that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't drink away.  
Alicia could feel Will's eyes on her. She saw how he looked at her. His eyes seemed to be holding all the sadness and love of the world behind them. She had hurt him so much more then he let on. She tried to tell herself that it was for the best, that they'd move past this. But the farther they got from the breakup, the more she missed him. The more she came to realize that she'd made a huge mistake. But she couldn't bring herself to tell him that. Nor would she allow herself to do so. How could she after all that she'd put him through.

When they had been together He'd never been short of wonderful to her. Loved her as much as was allowed (given the situation.) But never asked the same of her. He'd never asked for a commitment. Never complained that he couldn't kiss her or hold her hand in public. Because what they did behind closed doors was more then enough. Who needed expensive, crowded, restaurants when they had room service in a four-star hotel room in which clothing was optional? Will had been so much more to her then he would ever know. He'd been a shoulder to cry on when she needed a friend. A man when she needed a lover. He'd been everything she wanted whenever she wanted it. And he didn't even know it

That night, when they'd finally given in to what had plagued them for 15 years, she'd lain there in the darkness in the 7,800$ presidential suite, feeling horrible & wonderful at the same time. Will was lying next to her, only to woken by her tears. Tears of happiness and of sorrow. And he'd held her and let her cry without complaint. He'd wiped the tears that marred her face, held her shaking petite form, and kissed away her pain. So when she'd at last found sleep, she knew it was in the arms of one the most dependable, good, loving, men she's ever met. How or why she'd let that go, would forever be a mystery to her.  
The night she'd broken things off, she'd rushed home, poured herself a glass of her favorite red, and realized something Will given her everything in the mere months that they were together. She'd had the man that she'd spent fifteen years trying to turn Peter into. And she'd just given him up.

The meeting was over a case that they'd lost. 3 weeks ago Jason Mallory had hung himself during his first week of a life sentence for killing 2 cops. On his wall he'd written

"**_All things truly wicked start from innocence_**"

While they'd been convinced he was guilty this was still weighing heavily on Will & Diane's conscience as well as everyone else's. So the defense team was assembled, the evidence looked over. Alicia was determined to keep her focus on the task at hand, and not on the look of pained longing Will was giving her from across the table. When it was finally decided that their deceased client was indeed guilty, everyone was feeling a bit better, glad to know that they hadn't played a hand in an innocent man's suicide. Alicia and Will had been representing him so Will knew how guilty she felt. Even though he knew it was a mistake, he made up his mind to try and ease her conscience as everyone began to file out

* * *

**MEANWHILE:**

As James Mallory hurried through the lobby, he anxiously pulled the bulky black shoulder bag, closer to his body. He nodded politely at the few people who randomly glanced up from their smart phones to acknowledge him. He quickened his pace and managed to make the elevator. Unfortunately he was not alone; a middle-aged woman in a business suit was also occupying the small space. "What floor?" she asked with a smile. "Thirteen" he murmured. "Lockhart Gardner" he added. Gardner, _Will Gardner_, the smooth talking, slimy, egotistical, shark, who may as well have slipped the noose over Jason's neck himself. The man who was supposed to be one of the best litigators when it came to Chicago law. _Murderer._ There were others obviously, the investigator, that ethnic-looking woman in the short skirt, and that young blonde guy, all murderers. He looked up, fifth floor, sixth. He fingered the Glock in his coat pocket. Time was running out. He may have to kill this woman. He knew that. He slipped his hand around the piece, just as the heavy metal doors swung open at the seventh floor. "Have a good day!" the woman said with an easy smile. "You too" he replied, his hands relaxing. As soon as the doors swung shut, he crouched down as unzipped the bag. Pulling our piece after piece, racing against the passing floors. Anticipation pulsing through his veins. By the time the elevator had stopped at the 12th floor. He was slipping the fully assembled assault rifle under his long coat, his black bag repacked and his fingers once again meeting with the metal in his pocket. As he continued towards his destination, he remained surprisingly calm. He heard the elevator stop and then the doors swung open. He stepped out.

* * *

**MEANWHILE:**  
Kalinda Sharma couldn't keep the smile from her face. As embarrassing as it was, Cary Agos made her smile, even laugh. And some times, very rarely, very, very rarely, almost never, cause a pink tint to come to her cheeks. This was something, she would never tell anyone, or even say out loud. But she had recently forced herself to admit, but only to herself. Smiling slightly, she continued on her way

Cary Agos chuckled to himself. Kalinda thought she was so smart. That she was indestructible, reserved, without weakness. But he'd noticed the ever-so-light flush of color when she'd left the conference room. It would appear that not all hope was lost and that his jokes weren't that bad, at least not all of them. He rounded the corner to the front desk, but found that he'd have to wait a minute. A man in a black coat was asking Sarah where to find Will Gardner. She was explaining that he was in an important staff meeting when she spotted Carey. "Oh, Carey um- Mr. Mallory, Mr. Agos might be of some assistance." Carey looked up from his blackberry to find himself staring into the face of the brother of their client who'd just so recently taken his own life. But more importantly, the wrong end of a gun

Kalinda had just left David Lee's office and was on her way out on a job, suddenly she froze. A man, an eerily familiar man was pointing what looked like an assault rifle At Carey but was shouting at Sarah to take her headset off. As Kalinda's eyes landed on the bathroom door, Carey's eyes landed on her. Taking advantage of Mallory's momentary distraction, Kalinda raced for the door, Mallory however noticed and did the same. Carey's hand flew up and grabbed onto the gun. Sarah let out a piecing scream. The two men grappled with the gun, before it went off then flew out of their hands and landed with a thud outside the bathroom door. Carey looked down he bullet had sliced right through his shoulder; this was the last clear thought he has before his head landed with a dull thud on the floor.

Diane was in the bathroom when she heard them. Screams, shrill and piercing. The next moment the door was flung open. Kalinda was about to hide when Diane raced in. "A shooter!" She gasped out. "There's a shooter!" all of sudden a shot rung out slicing through the air.

* * *

**JUST AS MALLORY GETS OFF THE ELEVATOR:**  
After their co-workers had left. Alicia remained seated. Will approached her cautiously. "Alicia?" She looked up at him. "Yeah" "You ok?" She nodded, and then returned to her pile of notes. "i-i just wanted to check this last statement-" Will cut her off, his hand going to her wrist. "Alicia he was guilty it's time you accept that" "But if I had done more- we don't know-" She tried to swallow the lump as keep the tears down Will cut her off, bending down to her eye level, Alicia didn't say anything now, she couldn't. The feeling of his hand on her wrist was quite the distraction as were his dark, seemingly endless eyes, "Leesh" he breathed. Alicia was mildly surprised. He hadn't called her "Leesh_"_ since… "He was guilty." Will said meaningfully. "He did it, and we did our best. We did everything we could we defended our client as best we could, as best as any lawyer could. We exhausted every strategy. Remember how hard we worked, how much effort you put in?" Alicia looked up at his sincere and truthful eyes and nodded. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. Just like you always do and always did. " He added tenderly. "That's why, your one of out most valued-" He stopped himself, unable to finish. "We were lucky, when we hired you, you know." Alicia looked up at him. "No I was the lucky one. Lucky that I still had a friend who cared enough." Will tightened his grip on her hand, "I'll always care Leesh, _always." _Alicia sucked in a breath as she met his burning stare. There was more than tension in the air as Alicia got to her feet. Will hadn't taken his hand away. On the contrary, it slipped up her arm, to her shoulder, to her neck, then down to her shoulder. As they moved closer, His other arm wound around her waist Alicia knew they'd never be able to resist. As he pulled her close enough to let her know, his voice just above a whisper, "_I_ was the lucky one." It was starting again and neither was doing a thing to stop it, nothing _could _stop it. Save for the shot that was suddenly echoing throughout the halls of Lockhart Gardner.

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**VERY, VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE**

I hope you all liked the first chapter. I got the idea a while ago. It occurred to me (since I watch a lot of dramatic television) that most all of the ones that I watch have office-shootings, and then I thought about the good wife. I've been working on this for a few months and wasn't sure when I should post it. But I think today is the perfect time! Very quickly, If you are one of my ARDOR IN THE COURT readers, don't worry I'm not abandoning the story I'm pretty busy right now so I think I'll finish this as well as a few others then come back to AITC. Back to this one, it's going to be a bit of a celebration for the last 3 episodes! So I designed a cover, picked the right songs, fancied it up a bit. And here we are! I hope you guys liked it. One thing that occurred to me is that the timeline may confuse a few people. I f that 's the case then please don't abandon the story, just simply let me know and I'll do my best to provide a clear and detailed recap in my update next week! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! Feel free to FLOOD my inbox with reviews, questions comments etc.! I hope to hear from you soon! You guys and your opinions mean the world to me!

Thanks & Happy Reading

P.S-The Song for this chapter is "Here Without You" by "3 doors down"


	2. The War Outside Our Door

** THE WAR OUTSIDE OUR DOOR**

* * *

**_"Don't you dare look out your window darlin everything's on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on"_**

* * *

IN THE LOBY:  
Sarah's screams tore through the office, a second later a man came rushing onto the scene followed by a few unfortunate others the bullets from the glock stopped them in their tracks, tearing through them and throwing them to the ground. Amidst all the gunfire and screams, James Mallory failed to notice the small hands protruding from the bathroom door wrap around his assault rifle, and pull it inside.

* * *

Will's head snapped up at the peculiar sound. Alicia, startled out of her Will-induced trance, jumped. "What the hell was that-" more noises, sounding more and more like Gunfire. All of a sudden Will and Alicia's phones began to beep simultaneously.

* * *

Carey, barely conscious, lay there blood pouring from his shoulder, spreading down his chest. All of a sudden he heard a scream, and "No please don't" The shooter completely unfazed, shot her in the leg. She shrieked and toppled to the floor. "Will Gardner?" the man was saying angrily. "Where is he" Sarah moaned and said something. Carey slipped from consciousness before hearing her answer only to revive seconds later to find the shooter standing over him gun raised. Carey (covered in blood) began chocking and giving great mangled gasps feigning dying. He did it so well that the man who had just so maliciously shot him, Gave him one last look of loathing and contempt before slipping from sight. Why hadn't he shot him? It would have been so easy? Because James remembered sitting in court, watching from the audience. That man had never done anything, nothing to impact the trial. Unlike Will Gardner, the blonde man was irrelevant. So he continued on hid way. Back in the lobby Carey breathed a choked gasp of relief before slipping under once again.

Kalinda clutching the gun firmly, took a great breath before pushing the door open to find Carey unconscious and bleeding profusely from what she recognized as a shoulder wound. With some help from a shaken yet functioning Diane, they managed to drag him into the "safety" of the women's restroom. As Kalinda bolted the door and pulled open his shirt to inspect the damage, Diane, shakily managed to type out an email, alerting other unknowing residents of the building.

* * *

_"Shooter in the building. Last seen in the lobby. Carey shot possibly others. Am with Kalinda & Carey-safe for now."_

Alicia looked up from Diane's email nervously to Will. "What do we do?" "We stay here and we wait" Will said locking all the doors. Alicia soon joined him, her hands shaking violently.

* * *

Shut in the women's bathroom, Kalinda was trying her best to keep Carey awake and responsive. "Who would do this?" Diane was pacing (something she had a tendency to do when she was upset). "An angry client?" Kalinda suggested from where she sat at Carey's side. Suddenly she had an idea. "Diane grab these files next to me I have an idea." When Diane had grabbed the manila folders Kalinda continued. "Past cases from this month." she informed her boss. "There's a bunch of pictures. Victim, plaintiff, witnesses. Show them to Carey it might jog his memory." Diane did and was getting nowhere until she pulled Jason Mallory's picture. Carey stopped her, "Wait he looked kind of like him, Mallory right? The cop killer? " Carey studied the picture carefully. "But that's-" he started. "Impossible." Diane finished for him. "Jason Mallory hung himself 3 weeks ago." It took a moment before it clicked. "James" Kalinda said as the other two looked at her in  
Confusion. "What?" "James" Kalinda replied. But was cut off by a round of gunfire.

* * *

Will and Alicia were standing there in the conference room. Listening to the gunfire and screams grow closer. "He's looking for something," Alicia said hollowly. He was checking off all the rooms. Will was trying to remember what to do in a situation like this but was interrupted by a 2-word email from Diane

"JAMES MALLORY" Will felt his blood run cold. He knew exactly what James Mallory was looking for. Without thinking he reached over and pulled Alicia from her perch on the conference table." Will what are you-." but he wasn't looking at her, he was looking behind her. His face expressionless, a mask. Shaking slightly she turned around and saw a man. A man spattered with the blood of their coworkers. A man clutching a gun. They'd forgotten the walls were made of glass. He was staring right at them.

* * *

"I don't get it." Carey winced as Kalinda did her best to bandage his shoulder. "Who's James Mallory?" Diane looked at Kalinda hesitantly before she begun. "James Mallory was Jason Mallory's brother. You may not remember him, Alicia took over for you as second chair the day before James testified." It all came flooding back. Carey remembered seeing this man on the stand; he'd been very reserved, defensive. "But Mallory did it!" Carey insisted. "He apparently doesn't think so!" Kalinda murmured. Applying pressure to Carey's shoulder.

* * *

Alicia stared in horror as the man stared back. "Will-" she gasped weakly, stepping back her legs loosing feeling her self begin to shake again. The man came closer; he'd found his target. "Will" Alicia gasped "Will-what do we do?" Will grasped her shoulder tightly stepping back as well. The man was coming closer, he was at the door. Will knew it was him  
who Mallory really wanted; he wasn't about to let Alicia be collateral damage. As the handle began to turn, Will jumped forwards throwing Alicia behind him just as the door flew open.

* * *

"They sat there on that bathroom floor, Diane thinking about her partner, being targeted by a murderer, and would she ever see Kurt again, would she get out of this nightmare alive, or would she die on this bathroom floor. To her right, Carey was fading fast in Kalinda's arms. (Who was trying to choke back tears.) "Carey." she was saying weakly. "Don't think that just because your "dying" I'm going to say it." "Damn" he murmured "foiled again." She laughed and stroked his hair. "Because if you really were dying you'd know it." "And how do I know that?" he asked weakly. Kalinda smiled, bent down and pressed a kiss to his shaking lips. "Because you know I won't let you."  
"Mr. Gardner" James Mallory stepped through the door and into the room. "Do you remember me?" "Mr. Mallory," Will replied a bit shakily "What can I do for you?" James Mallory pulled a chair out and took a seat, still pointing the gun at the trembling pair. "You can introduce me to your friend." Alicia didn't move, couldn't move. Will gripped her hand, giving it a squeeze. Alicia peeked out at the man pointing a gun her. The man raised an eyebrow in unmistakable recognition he knew this woman. She'd replaced the blonde man (currently bleeding to death) on his brother's defense team. That politician's wife. Florrick."Mrs. Florrick, we meet again."

Alicia said nothing. "What don't you remember me?" he said menacingly land approached the couple even more. Will backed away, keeping Alicia behind him. "You don't want to do this James." Will cautioned. "Jason wouldn't have wanted-" Don't talk about Jason to me!" James barked. Will stood firm, his hand clutching that of the petrified woman behind him. "What do you want James?" he asked evenly. "I want to see you die" the gun-wielding man replied solemnly.

* * *

Carey had managed to hold on (for now). Diane was pacing again. And Kalinda just sat there firmly pressing a towel to Carey's mangled shoulder. She waited; she listened for the gunshots. She'd always been strong, reserved, stone-like. And from the outside she looked no different. But on the inside, everything was falling down. People were dying around them, friends, coworkers. Who know, whom those gunshots they'd heard a minute ago were meant for. Alicia? Will? Their faces burned into her mind. Were they alive, dead? Were they together?

* * *

As Mallory came closer, Alicia retreated. "James this is a mistake, I know it's hard-" Will was trying to reason with the man but was getting nowhere. She glanced over her shoulder to the window; she looked down to the streets below and was met with the sight of vehicles, news vans, and flashing lights. She could die today. Here in this room, with a man who loved her enough to protect her from a gunman. A man who's heart she ripped out mere months ago. The same man who now stood between her and death. Alicia stepped out from behind him. Now as much a target as he. Mallory noticed where her gaze had rested, saw the cars, the chaos, and felt the panic begin to rise. He had to end this and soon. He turned back to the task at hand.

It was then that he saw it. The way Will Gardner was looking at her. He'd seen it before, in court. He'd seen those long, looks that he gave her when he thought she wasn't looking. They were full of longing, pain, and what could only be sincere, complete, and slightly tortured adoration. He'd found Will Gardner's Achilles Heel. And he knew just how to use it.

* * *

MEANWHILE:  
Zach Florrick was just getting out of school that afternoon when he heard his name being called. "ZACH! ZACH!" he turned to see his sister Grace jump out of one his father's campaign cars and begin rushing towards him. She grabbed his arm and began to pull him towards the awaiting car. "Grace what-?" he stopped at the sight of his sister's broken face. "Something happened-it's mom, at her work-please Zach we have to go, Dad's waiting." Zach numbly let himself be pulled into the car, driven by a campaign worker, who was waiting to take them to Peter's apartment.

* * *

"Did anyone see Alicia? Carey?" Kalinda asked a bit half-heartedly. Carey shook his head, as did a rapidly pacing Diane, "When I left she was still in the conference room with Will..." Diane's voice trailed off. "What?" asked Carey through gritted teeth influenced by the searing pain is his shoulder. Diane, what's going on?" Diane grimaced, she hadn't told them that James Mallory was here for Will, and it was going to be even harder now that it looked like Alicia could be caught in the cross fire. She took a deep breath. "James Mallory blames Will for his brother's suicide, that's why he's here." Carey and Kalinda exchanged looks of shock. "What?" Carey sputtered "Why? That makes no sense." Diane sighed and continued. "He feels that Will didn't work or try hard enough. He can't except that his brother was a criminal and now he's blaming it on Jason's lawyers." It took Carey & Kalinda a moment to process all of this, but Kalinda eventually found her voice. "So James Mallory came here.." "Looking for Will, and if he found him.." "He's also found Alicia" Carey concluded..

* * *

"So do it" Will said. "Do it, shoot me!" James raised the gun, pointed, but after a few paralyzing seconds decided against it. He had a better idea. "Maybe later" he said smiling Will narrowed his eyes in confusion. "I asked you what you wanted James, if you don't intend to kill me then, what do you want?"

Their captor burst out laughing. "Oh intend to kill you but not just yet, first I want you too admit it!' "Admit what?" "YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT!" Mallory cried brandishing his gun. "You killed my brother! If you and your team had done their job Jason would be alive and free instead of cold and in the ground!" Will didn't flinch. "We tried every strategy, every argument. We tried very hard to win your brother's case Mr. Mallory." "Liar!" The deranged man yelled, and in a flash had the gun pressed against Will's temple.

* * *

When the bathroom door was kicked open and the SWAT team pushed their way inside to find the three shaken lawyers, Kalinda could not breathe a sigh of relief. Not when She, Diane, and Carey were led out into the blood-spattered hallway. Who was still here? Who was gone too soon? _Sarah, _her body was slumped against the desk. Alicia? Will? Where were they? No it was too early to be relieved. Because the not knowing was excruciating. So she could not breathe easy now, not when so much was still untold and at risk.

* * *

"He was guilty." Mallory spun around and looked ad the wife of the State's Attorney. "What did you say?" "He was guilty, Mr. Mallory. He did it." The man was coming closer, his face riddled with rage full curiosity. "Your brother Jason Mallory killed those two cops. He is guilty." "Stop it!" he yelled brandishing his gun at her. "Take it back. Alicia said nothing. Just stared blankly to her left, at Will, who was looking at her with frightened wonderment? "Your brother was justly found guilty, we tried everything, but he was guilty and you Mr. Mallory need to except that."

* * *

James advanced on her further. Obviously her truthful monologue had done nothing and had gone right through him. Jason would never kill anyone,, not Jason. And these lying, murderous, lawyers were trying to tell him that he didn't know his own brother. The gun was trained, pointing. He looked her in the eyes and hissed

"MURDERER"

(ALICIA POV) Every thing seemed to happen in an instant. I was about to flinch. It was the end. But a spit second before the gun went off, I was thrown backwards. I landed on her side. Startled, I sat up and looked around, slightly disoriented. It was then that my gaze fell on the man lying on the floor in front of her. _Will_, my breath caught in my throat. I crawled over to where he lay in a crumpled heap. And I broke down.

* * *

(WILL POV) It was suicide, but necessary. What choice do I have? Let the woman I'm irrevocably in love with pay for what I was accused of. That's why I jumped, not to be the hero. (She would always choose Peter). Not to prove anything. But I love her what can I do?

* * *

MALLORY POV: The bullet tore right through his chest. I ha intended to kill her, make him watch, but either way he was gone. She crawled over to where he lay. Her hands, her whole body, trembling. "Will" she cried shakily. "No, No, No, No PLEASE!" She held his face up to hers, buried her head into his bloodied chest, and sobbed. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I stood stiffly and watched the scene in front of me. Not feeling anything, No pity, No remorse, but no desire to kill. I looked at the woman, blood streaking her face, his blood. She raised her head and stared at me. She did not beg, she did not fight back, just stared at me. And I did nothing but turn and walk steadily out that door and to the elevator. Never looking back, only forward, I had nothing left really, no desire for revenge. I was numb. They would be waiting, so why not save them the trouble? The doors opened, I got in, and they closed. I hit "_Ground Floor" _Then, put that gun in my mouth, and then I pulled the trigger

I was complete.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

DUH DAN DAAAAHH! No it's an early release today. Normally I'd post right before the new episode comes on. But I'm heading down to Bloomington today and won't be back until around 10 tonight. I hope I don't miss the new episode! STOCKARD CHANNHING & OWEN, VERONICA POSSIBLY TEAM WILL?!-I can't miss that lol. Any way the song for this chapter is "Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift FT The Civil Wars!

I hope to see your thoughts and reviews!

Thanks & Happy Reading!


	3. You Bleed Just To Know You're Alive

**YOU BLEED JUST TO KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE**

* * *

**"_And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When every thing's made to be broken, Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive."_**

* * *

Alicia sat there, Will's head resting in her lap. He was choking and gasping in and out of consciousness. When suddenly his body went limp, unmoving, unblinking. "WILL!" she cried out, running her hands soothingly over his face. "Please-Will-You, you have to hold on-just please-" She felt her heart fill with dread, and her throat close up. "Hold on" She wiped her bloodstained cheek with her bloodstained hand, and choked on the scent of iron. Shocked and confused she stared down and her hands in wonderment. Red, all red, Will's blood was on her hands. She let out a shuddering sob and started to cry. "Oh Will," she thought miserably. She began stroking his face lovingly, while unintentionally smearing it with blood. "Why did you have to go and be the hero?"

* * *

Diane and Kalinda were standing behind the police line waiting for news. Carey was getting his shoulder checked out by EMTs nearby. Kalinda was shaking so badly she went over to sit with him. "Any news?" he asked with gritted teeth. Kalinda shook her head sadly. Carey (sensing her fear) pulled her close with his good arm and kissed her hair. "Don't worry, Alicia, Will, they'll be fine. I'm sure their coming out right now."

* * *

Alicia knew she should stop, stop touching him, just the look of his scarlet-streaked cheek made her even more miserable. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm sorry for it, all of it. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry you did this, I-I" She choked on the last apology. "I'm sorry I let you go." A noise behind her made her turn, not really caring if Mallory had returned or not. She deserved it. A SWAT team stood there in the doorway. Staring at the State's Attorney's wife, hands dyed scarlet, shaking and desperately trying to keep from fainting into the pool of blood that lay next to the fallen Will Gardner.

* * *

Carey had been right about one thing they were on their way out. However one of them was strapped to a gurney and just barely clinging to life. The other was shaking and staring at her hands. Diane looked up and the blood in her veins ran cold at the sight of her partner being loaded into the back of an ambulance, "_Single gunshot wound to the chest"_ she heard an EMT call out. Then her gaze shifted to Alicia who was now rushing to keep up with the gurney. The EMT'S were having none of it. "M'am you need to stay back!" one was saying as he held her from the back doors of the ambulance. Diane raced over to her hysterical employee and pulled her close in a motherly embrace. "I know, Alicia, I know. You want to be there, with Will, I know. But you have to make sure you're all right. Let them examine you-" "But Will-" she choked out. "The sooner we know your ok, the sooner we can check on Will." Alicia nodded and glanced down and her shaking her hands, then back up at Diane. "_His bloods on my hands._"

A little while later, as her blood pressure was being carefully monitored, she heard a little shriek. "MOM!" She turned to see Grace racing towards her, followed closely by Zach, with Peter bringing up the rear. Grace barreled into her and burst into tears. While he wasn't a hysterical mess, his eyes were flooded with tears of relief, and when he hugged her, he didn't think he could bring himself to let go.

When she finally managed to pry Zach and Grace off of her, she just pulled them back. "We thought we lost you mom." Zach murmured into her shoulder. "I know," she said soothingly rubbing his back, like she had when he was a child. "Grace was still crying and telling her mother how much she loved her. After giving his wife a quick concerned hug and a kiss on the cheek, he escorted his family through the crowd and to the waiting town car. Peter sat in the passenger seat while Zach and Grace elected to sit on either side of their mother in the back seat.

* * *

The water was soothing as it rolled down her shoulders and pooled at her feet on the shower room floor. Alicia stood there, looking down at the floor. Suddenly she felt her legs go numb. She soon found herself there, on the shower room floor. Arms wrapped around her legs staring blankly forward and the steaming water enveloped and caressed her tired, shaking she finally pulled herself off that floor and managed to wrap herself in a towel and step out of the small glass-walled room, she was feeling a bit more stable. She dressed in a pair of black leggings and a tank top, but she was still a bit chilly, she looked through her drawers for a sweater, maybe cashmere? But nothing, she bent down and pulled open the bottom drawer of her bureau. Her eyes met with a '_Georgetown"_ sweatshirt and she almost collapsed. It was all flooding back, the oddly pleasant, numbness fading away, slowly and surely. It was replaced with guilt, remorse, and worry. Sharp, painful, gut wrenching, worry. She took it out and rose shakily to her face. The familiar scent brought with it, memories of late-night-study sessions and second rate Chinese food.

She sat there for the net 30 minutes, nose buried in the ratty old sweatshirt. All of sudden there was a knock at her door. She stuffed the sweatshirt into the drawer and stood up. "Yes?" Grace poked her head in. "Someone's on the phone for you. I think it's your boss, Diane Lockhart?" Alicia jumped up and took the phone from her daughter. "Hello?" she said barely able to breathe, "Alicia, how are you?" "I'm fine" she stuttered. "And you? Carey?" "Carey's fine, the bullet went through his shoulder, but they bandaged up his shoulder and sent him home. Kalinda's driving him, but she'll be back soon. "Back?" Alicia asked "back where?" "The hospital. . Kurt and I are here waiting but-" That's when it hit her. They were waiting. "Alicia" Diane's voice drew her back. "Their-they still-" Alicia knew even before she heard it. "They said he lost a lot of blood, and the bullet-It's not looking like-" Alicia heard her inhale sharply. "I should be there," Alicia said hollowly. "No-I-you've been through a lot. I-I'm no calling to force you to come down here. I just-I." Alicia understood, Will was likely not to make it and Diane was trying to do the right thing. "I'll be there soon," Alicia murmured, before hanging up. She pulled on a pair of pumps (because they made her feel sturdy) and threw on a sheer, black-button up shirt and then her sit jacket from the floor. Peter was making dinner with the kids when she left. She did her best to explain, but Peter didn't object, he didn't throw her a judgmental look, he just nodded and sent her a small smile. Once she was gone, Grace took her brother aside. "Grace, don't, he's her friend. And he may not make it." Grace took a moment to process that, feeling Zach's words sink in. He was right. So she nodded and said nothing. Will was lying in the hospital with a bullet lodged in his chest. She knew her mother needed to be there

* * *

Kalinda was on her way back to the hospital when Diane called her. Alicia was on her way to the hospital but Diane didn't want her to drive. Kalinda agreed and headed for Alicia's building. Alicia didn't say anything on the car ride over. Just as she did on the elevator ride up to the trauma floor. It wasn't anger at her old friend that had rendered her mute it was fear. She didn't want to talk about it. But she had to and while tension between them hadn't exactly been nonexistent, they were doing their best t remain civil. However recent events had taken their toll on the women and right now the past wasn't any reason to deny each other a shoulder to cry on. Alicia enfolded her friend in a hug and Kalinda squeezed back. "Have you seen Will" Alicia asked and they rode the elevator up to the 12th floor. Kalinda shook her head sadly. "None of us have, they brought him straight to trauma when he got here. He's been in surgery since then." Alicia nodded. Kalinda could see something else was bothering her. "Alicia what happened up there?" Alicia turned to face her and she told her everything. "He pushed me away and then he-." Kalinda realized what she was saying and felt the pit of her stomach give out.

"Alicia-" she wasn't sure what to say to her friend to make her feel better. The man had jumped in front of bullet for her. Of course she felt guilty. When the doors swung up she took Alicia's arm and flashed her a comforting smile then led her outside. The waiting room wasn't very crowded and they spotted Diane easily. Accompanied by their ballistics expert (from time to time). "Alicia!" Diane enfolded her in a hug. "Have we heard anything yet?" Diane shook her head sadly. "'We've been here a few hours." She greeted Kurt who gave her a peck on the cheek and comforting smile. He and Diane were getting married in the spring, so she'd come to know him a bit better. "How's Carey?" Alicia asked. "He's fine" Kalinda said. "I gave him some painkillers before I left, he's probably trying to sleep this nightmare off-"

All of a sudden a noise came screeching out from the right corridor of the trauma center. "CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE" they heard someone call out. A team of doctors raced down the right corridor. Alicia jumped up. '_Will" _Kalinda put a comforting hand on her arm and lightly pulled her back down to her seat wordlessly. But Alicia couldn't stay still. She excused her self to go get some coffee and asked if anyone else would like some. As she roamed the halls her phone rang. "_Home" _flashed up on the caller ID. "Hello?" "Mom!" Grace and Zach were obviously on speakerphone. "Is Will going to be ok?" asked Zach worriedly. Alicia felt like crying, but managed to maintain an easy, balanced tone. "We-we don't know yet. We're just waiting. Is your father there?" "Yeah" said a voice she recognized as Grace's. "You should stay with him tonight. I don't know how long I'm going to be here."

She finally managed to find some coffee and was about to make her way back but found once again that her legs had turned to jelly once again. She should have said something. That she wasn't as "over" Will as she's tried to force herself to be, she'd defiantly felt the need. She picked at the jacket (part of a business suit she owned) and almost screamed. There was red on her hands. Blood. Confused and panicked she pulled off her jacket. There, on the corner of her sleeve was a section soaked in blood. She felt faint. She checked her sleeves. She must have gotten it on he back in the conference room. "Mrs. Florrick?" She turned to see Kurt standing there. "May I sit?' He asked. Alicia nodded. He took a seat next to her. "I don't know you all that well M'am, but I can tell that you care for Will very much." Alicia nodded slightly. "Now I'm not going to make assumptions or judge you. I'm going to give you some advice." Alicia looked up at the older man. "Think of the good Mrs. Florrick." He said. "You seem to have known Will a mighty long time." "Almost 20 years" Alicia said numbly. Kurt nodded. "And while I don't know you very well, I know their must have been some good there. Some joy, or happiness you brought to each other. Just know that whatever happens, you managed to bring him some happiness. You did that." Alicia thought about that for a moment. As horrible and as guilty as she felt, he was right. They had been happy. He'd been so happy, as had she. All those years of wondering what it would be like to finally,_ finally,_ have good timing. And it had been wonderful, and they'd been happy. They'd made each other happy. Feeling the strength return to her legs. Alicia took the arm Kurt offered her and allowed him to escort her back to waiting room. "Thank you," she murmured, deep in thought.

* * *

Grace was very confused. Zach was insisting they stay at their mom's tonight. Peter hadn't argued because they'd all been through a lot. He figured it was their way of coping and given in, hugging them goodnight and telling them to call if they needed anything. "Zach what-" "We need to be here Grace." He said shortly. "If-if Will doesn't make it. She'll come home. She'll be alone. And I'm not going to leave her alone tonight. You can go to sleep. But I'm going to stay awake and I'm going to wait for her." Grace nodded and pulled her brother into a hug. "Ok" she said quietly.

* * *

It was a bit past 11:00 when a doctor finally came out to give them an update. Diane shook Kurt awake and took his hand worriedly; he gave it a reassuring squeeze. Alicia couldn't bear to make eye contact with the woman. She could only look at her sickeningly white shoes. "Mr. Gardner lost a lot of blood. But he's stable for now." Alicia let out a large shuddering gasp of relief. _Will was stable he was ok_. "Can we see him?" Diane asked. The nurse hesitated. "I suppose we could allow one visitor but only for a moment." Diane reached over and took Alicia's hand. "You should go dear, Will would want it to be you." Alicia was too stunned to refuse. "A-are you sure?" Diane smiled and nodded. "Just tell him we all say hi." Alicia nodded and followed the nurse down the right corridor. "_What to say, what to say?"_

* * *

Alicia had to steady herself on the doorframe. Will was lying there, pale, unmoving. She approached the bed unsteadily. "Will?" she asked tentatively. The monitor on the other side of the bed told her that his heartbeat was strong. She crouched by the bed and took his hand. "Will?" She felt those tears return to her eyes she wiped them away desperately. This time he stirred; he blinked and stared up at her. "Leesh?" She smiled and clutched his hand. He stroked her face and smiled. "Your ok." She nodded. "Of course I am, you saved me." Her smile faded. "Why would you do that Will?' She asked, her voice breaking. He looked up at her and said very simply. "Because I'm in love with you and I'd do anything for you." She stared at him with ardent sadness. "You really do love me don't you?" He nodded. She bent down and kissed him. It was kiss of apology, promising new beginnings. She loved Will Gardner. She'd always loved him. And even if he hadn't jumped in front of that bullet, if this day had never happened. Something would. Something would show her the truth. She loved him. And she hoped that that love would be enough to atone for all the misery she had put him through. S,

he kissed him and he pulled her close. Heads resting together. They needed a plan. Their love like him would survive.

"_What do we do?"_

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_**

**_OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! GOOD WIFE FINALE NOW !_**Sorry i had to fan girl there for a second. But UGGGHHHH please pick Will! Anyway i hope you guys liked the conclusion to "HERE WITHOUT YOU" and the homage to the finale near the end. The song i used was **_IRIS BY THE GOO-GOO DOLLS._ **I want to thank everyone for their support of this story! As usual i would love to see your reviews and thoughts. Maybe you have an idea for me? Anything! I Love you guys!

Here's Hoping & Happy Reading


	4. Epilogue: Come and Wrap Around Me

EPILOUGE:

Come & Wrap Around Me

_Back by popular demand, an epilogue for "Here Without You":_

_Set 1 month after the Lockhart Gardner shootings:_

Alicia–soon to be Cavanaugh was having a nightmare. "_They were back in the conference room. Will was pushing out of the way. And the gunshot echoed throughout her mind. They were on the floor and she was trying hard to say it:" I love you, I love you." But nothing came out. She tried harder "I LOVE YOU!" but nothing. She bent down in vain to kiss him, but the moment her lips met his, he vanished, gone. She jumped back. James Mallory was standing above her, gun in hand, smiling down at her. He pulled the trigger and began firing shot after shot rang through her unconscious state._

Until she was jolted awake. She was breathing heavily and trembling all over. She looked around the darkened room. He kept his apartment tidy and well furnished. She'd adjusted to it quickly, finding it surprisingly easy to grow accustomed to these past few weeks. As her head spun back to her nightmare she tried desperately to regain her breathing but failed. Just the thought of Will lying there, blood pouring from his chest was enough to bring chilling shudders to her thin body.

All of sudden a pair of strong arms wrapped around her and someone was pressing a kiss to her hair. "Leesh?" His tired voice was marred with concern. He pulled her closer. ""What's wrong? What is it?" His body was warm and comforting. "Tell me" he prodded gently. "What happened?" Alicia told him about the nightmare, her lip quivering as she recalled how he'd disappeared from her arms, how it seemed he was gone forever. He laid back on the pillows she willingly curled up next to him, he head nestled perfectly in the curve of his shoulder. She slid her shaking palm across his chest and with delicate fingers, pulled aside his crewneck undershirt and brushed his scar with extreme delicacy. His hand slid easily down to her waist, where they met with her silk sleepwear while his other one came to his chest where her own lay, grazing the slightly rough remnants of the gunshot that had torn through his chest.

They sat there awhile. Off in that blissful little place that only they could really understand. She dreamily shut her deep brown eyes for a moment "This is nice." Will murmured his agreement. Alicia had been so scared a moment ago. Now she was relaxed and feeling lighter then air. There was only one man that could to that. And was he whose arms she was nestled in this moment. "I'm never going to let you go Gardner," she murmured, smiling faintly. He grinned down at her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "No objections here Cavanaugh."

Author's Note!

Hey! First of all can I just say how amazing you guys are! I was so honored that you wanted to read more. So I wrote this epilogue! The song is "Lumina " By "Joan Osborne. It's also the song they played on Sunday's hellish finale when Alicia and Will were making me swoon with that GORGEOUS kiss! Oh and speaking of the finale (SOB!) it has not discouraged me from writing Alicia and Will. Because I don't believe their over at all! Maybe it's the dedicated shipper in me but I will never loose faith. And come ON! It's not over, that tension will still be there next season! I think we'll be seeing some great stuff next year. I heard season 5 is going to be EXPLOSIVE! I will be updating Ardor in the Court just as soon as I can!

Thanks & Happy Reading!


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